Is It Normal to Feel Overstimulated and Touched-Out as a Mom?
Overwhelmed, Overstimulated and Touched out… It is not just you.
Motherhood is often portrayed as a world of soft snuggles, baby giggles, and heart-melting moments. And while those moments do exist, there are also moments where your skin crawls at every touch, where the sound of a toy repeating the same song is like nails on a chalk board, and where the never-ending needs that have to be met leave you feeling completely drained.
If you have ever felt overstimulated, emotionally depleted, or just touched out, you are not alone. This is incredibly common for all moms.
Getting overwhelmed and touched out is not a sign that you are not cut out for this, or that you are doing something wrong. It simply means you human and that you have a nervous system. Your nervous system is working as it should, and is telling you that it is working overtime and needs some relief.
Why Do Moms Feel Overstimulated?
Think of your nervous system like a cup. Every sound, touch, and demand throughout the day fills the cup. It takes work to empty the cup again. Sometimes getting a good night rest helps empty the cup and in the morning, your cup is empty again. As the day progresses, with each moment of; crying, clinging, whining, noise, movement, decision-making, problem-solving…your cup gets more full.
By the time bedtime rolls around, your cup is overflowing, and the idea of one more request, one more touch, one more demand, one off comment from your partner can feel unbearable!
Sometimes, a good night rest does not happen, or is not successful in resetting your nervous system and you start the day off overstimulated which just builds throughout the day.
Some of the biggest triggers for maternal overstimulation include:
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Holding, nursing, rocking, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, and being climbed on, getting kicked, pinched, hung on, getting sat on… the list goes on.
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Whining, crying, toddler chatter, background TV or music, noisy toys, your partner asking questions or talking to other people, chewing sounds, the dog barking, the cat scratching at the doors, the general hum of a chaotic home.
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Keeping track of schedules, meal planning, anticipating everyone’s needs that happen at the same time and that are competing, and carrying the mental load of the household.
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The feeling that your body is no longer yours, constantly touched, needed, and available to others.
Being Touched Out When You Just Can’t Take One More Snuggle
Being touched out happens when physical contact, which is normally comforting, starts to feel overwhelming. Instead of melting into a hug, you instinctively pull away, even from the people you want hugs from like your partner or child.
For many moms, this creates guilt. You have the thought, “shouldn’t I want and love these snuggles?”, or “I know this is not going to last, I should be enjoying this before it is gone.”
You want to be the mom who welcomes snuggles 24/7, but your body is telling you it needs a break. This doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, or even that you don’t like physical touch. It simply means you are maxed out.
Signs you might be touched out include:
Feeling irritated when your child or partner touches you.
Cringing at the idea of physical intimacy.
Wanting to be alone but feeling guilty about it.
Having the urge to pull away even from affectionate contact that you used to enjoy.
This is your nervous system saying, “I need space to recharge!” And the best thing you can do? Listen to that voice!
How Overstimulation Affects Your Ability to Respond Instead of Reacting
When your sensory cup is full, your patience runs out quickly. Instead of calmly responding to your child, you might snap, shut down, or feel completely drained by even small things.
Gentle parenting is all about taking care of yourself and your emotions so that you are responding to the child’s behavior, rather than reacting because the child’s behavior makes you feel a certain way.
Example: My 3.5 year old kicks my 8 month old.
Reacting from a disregulated nervous system: “Hey! Why did you do that?!” “That is not okay!”
Response from a regulated nervous system: We are gentle with sister. Look at her, you kicked her and now she is crying. I know it is hard to share your toys. What can we do next time if she has one of your toys? If I see you trying to kick your sister I am going to have to move you away from her so that you do not hurt her again. Now, go say sorry to sister.
How often have you reacted vs. responded? If you are anything like me, it is at least once per day. Overstimulation makes gentle parenting difficult because it puts you in a reactive state rather than a regulated state. You are reacting based on how you feel rather than actually responding to your kids behavior. If you have ever felt like you were losing your temper over something small, it is probably because you were already running on empty.
Here’s how working on overstimulation can help:
Less Reacting, More Responding: Instead of snapping at your toddler when they climb on you for the 100th time, you will have more capacity to pause, take a breath, and respond intentionally.
Aligning with Gentle Parenting: Gentle parenting is about co-regulation, helping your child learn emotional regulation by modeling it yourself. If you are getting overloaded, the best thing we can do for our children is showing them how we regulate. Take a moment to pause, breath, hit something soft, yell into a pillow, go outside for a quick break. Do things to calm your nervous system that you also want them to model. When you are constantly in a state of sensory overload, it is hard to stay calm, patient, and attuned to their needs.
Breaking the Cycle: Many of us grew up with parents who were stressed, reactive, and exhausted, not because they didn’t love us, but because they were overwhelmed. By recognizing overstimulation and creating space for yourself, you are showing your child that boundaries and self-care matter.
Remember! We are not perfect and we will never be perfect! You will make mistakes and your children will see you loose it. You want your children to learn that they do not need to be perfect and that making mistakes happens. We also want to teach them how to repair relationships after making mistakes and modeling that is the best way to teach them.
You got this momma!
Coping with Overstimulation and Feeling Touched Out
So, what can you do when you’re completely overstimulated and just need a break?
Build in Mini- vacations
You might not get an hour-long spa day, but you can take 2-5 minutes to yourself. Step outside, close your eyes, take deep breaths, listen to calming music, picture yourself on a beach somewhere, lock yourself in your bathroom for a few minutes, put your headphones on and listen to something relaxing.Use Noise-Reduction Strategies
White noise, noise-canceling headphones, ear plugs or simply stepping into a quiet room for a few minutes can help reset your nervous system. (don’t worry, you will still be able to hear your children, it is just about reducing the level of noise)Set Physical Boundaries
It is okay to say, “Mommy needs a little break from touching right now, but I’d love to snuggle in a few minutes.” This teaches your child that boundaries are normal and healthy.Communicate with Your Partner
If you feel like you might snap when your partner reaches for a hug, let them know it is not personal. Say, “I love your hugs, I need some time to reset and then I want a hug.”Prioritize Your Own Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is the least selfish thing you can do as a mom. Drinking water throughout the day, eating 3 balanced meals a day and snacks when you are hungry, getting some activity in, getting outside everyday. If you take care of your body, you will have more capacity for the people around you, more of an ability to regulate your emotions and have a better chance of recovering from the overstimulation you experience everyday.Lower Your Sensory Load Where You Can
Dim the lights in the evening to create a calmer environment.
If your baby is still nursing, cover as much of your boob as possible so only what is necessary is accessible for stimulation. (or hold your babies hand while nursing so they aren’t pinching or scratching you.)
Reduce background noise when possible (turn off the TV, limit noisy toys).
Simplify your routine with fewer decisions mean less mental overload.
Get outside so the noise is not bouncing off the walls.
You are not Alone!
So, is it normal to feel overstimulated and touched out as a mom? Yes. Absolutely.
This doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you are doing a hard, beautiful, exhausting job, and your nervous system is asking for relief. The best thing you can do for yourself, and your family, is to recognize what you need, set boundaries, and create space to recharge.
When you are taking care of yourself and your nervous system, you have more room to respond with love, patience, and connection. And that is what really matters.
Hi, I am Kristina Anzell. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant. I work with moms and couples in the postpartum phase of life to help them move through anxiety, depression, sleep issues for you and baby, relationship struggles and more. You deserve the support you need! Please reach out if you have any questions, need resources or want to start therapy sessions with me.