Is It Normal to Have an Endless To-Do List as a Mom?
You finally sit down at the end of the day, exhausted, thinking you can finally rest, but then, your brain starts racing with all the things you did not get to. The laundry is still in the washer, you forgot to pack the diaper bag for tomorrow, and somehow, your inbox is overflowing again.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. The endless to-do list is a common experience for moms, and it can feel impossible to keep up. No matter how much you accomplish, there is always more waiting. So, is it normal? Absolutely. But just because it is normal does not mean it needs to stay this way.
Let’s talk about why moms feel like they are always behind, how it affects mental health, and, most importantly, how to break free from this cycle.
Why Does the To-Do List Feel Endless?
Motherhood is more than just physically taking care of kids; It is also carrying the mental load, managing emotional labor, and navigating societal expectations that pressure moms to “do it all and be happy and grateful while doing it” Here is why that list never seems to get shorter:
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Moms are not just checking off tasks; they are the ones keeping track of everything that needs to be done.
You are remembering doctor’s appointments, knowing when you are low on diapers, and making sure your child’s favorite stuffed animal is packed for daycare.
Even if you are not actively doing these things, they are constantly occupying space in your mind and you are the one to delegate tasks.
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Beyond logistics, moms are also responsible for managing emotions; both their kids’ and their own.
That means comforting a child who had a rough day at school, keeping track of family dynamics, and making sure everyone is happy and well-adjusted.
By the end of the day, the sheer amount of decisions and emotional regulation required can be overwhelming.
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We live in a world that glorifies busyness and productivity, especially for moms.
Whether it is Pinterest-perfect lunches, bouncing back after birth, or keeping the house in pristine condition, there is an unspoken expectation that moms should handle everything effortlessly.
The truth? No one is doing it all without sacrifice. Something always gives, and usually, that “something” is mom’s own well-being.
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Managing a household often feels like a constant balancing act, where juggling various responsibilities is a daily chore.
Mothers are expected to clean, meal plan, grocery shop, tidy, do laundry, make bed… They are also expected to monitor the kids homework, events, schedules at school, screen time, bedtime routines, keep track of Dr’s appointments, plan vacations, coordinate family’s calendars, remember important dates and gifts, keep track of finances…
I think you get the picture. Managing the household with children all by yourself is a full time job in and of itself.
The Impact of an Endless To-Do List
When your to-do list never stops, it takes a toll on your mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.
Burnout & Exhaustion – A to-do list that you can never catch up on can make you feel inadequate. You are constantly trying to do more and be better, which just leaves you feeling physically and emotionally drained.
Resentment in Relationships – If you are carrying more weight than your partner because you typically take on the mental load of every task, it can create frustration and resentment, even if these roles are agreed upon.
Increased Anxiety & Overwhelm – The feeling of never being caught up can trigger stress, making it harder to focus. It can be extremely hard to just be present and can get in the way of being the parent you want to be.
Missing Out on the Good Moments – You seem to always be thinking about what is next, and you keep missing out on moments in the here and now.
How to Break Free from the Cycle
While the to-do list will never fully disappear, it does not have to feel like the weight on your shoulders and your shoulders alone. Here are some things to try out to help shift your mindset and take control.
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Not all tasks are created equal. Think of your responsibilities as balls that you are juggling. Some are glass (if you drop them, there are consequences), while others are rubber (they will bounce back if you let them go for a little).
Glass balls – Feeding your baby, attending medical appointments, your mental health, your relationship.
Rubber balls – A clean house, responding to texts, baking for the school fundraiser, visiting family for the holidays.
You do not have to juggle everything, and honestly you can’t. Prioritize what truly matters and let the rest go.
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Motherhood is not about how much you get done. It is about how you feel while doing it. Instead of measuring success by how many tasks you have and can check off, focus on being present in moments that matter.
Did you laugh today?
Did you connect with your partner?
Did you take a moment for yourself?
Those are the things that truly make a difference in your life and in the life of the people around you, not if the dishes get done.
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You were never supposed to do this alone. Mothers are not meant to parent in isolation. If you have a partner, they need to share the mental load, not just help when asked.
If you can, outsource tasks. Getting support with meal planning and prep with AI or a meal service. Get someone to help with the cleaning. Ask a trusted person to watch the baby for an hour.
Let go of control: Accept that others will not do things exactly like you would, or up to your standards and that is okay. Better it be done than you having to do it.
Give specific tasks: Instead of saying, “I need help,” say, “Can you go start the bath?”
Encourage shared responsibility: It is not about giving up your work, it’s about making it a team effort. Your partner is not helping you if they take on tasks, they are just being a parent.
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Society has made moms feel guilty for literally everything! Working, staying home, screen time, formula, sleep training, attachment parenting… the list is endless. But here is the truth:
Your worth is not determined by how much you do, or if your parenting style aligns with others around you.
You are a great mom because you care, and you are parenting in a way that aligns with your values not anyone else’s.
Your worth does not come from how busy you are or if your baby is potty trained yet.
Your worth is not based on your to-do list being complete.
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If your list never ends, you need to create boundaries around yourself to protect your mental health.
Time boundaries: Schedule person time, Set limits on availability to others, plan for time buffers.
Emotional Boundaries: Take breaks, protect your energy, say no even when there is guilt tripping, letting go of comparison and perfectionism, communicate needs directly.
Material Boundaries: Control spending on the kids, limit giving to others, budget for self-care.
Sexual Boundaries: Communicate changes in desire and comfortability with touch, saying no to physical touch without guilt, creating space for honest, gentle and open conversation about sex.
How This Helps with Gentle Parenting
When you are overwhelmed and constantly on edge, it is much harder to respond to your child rather than react in the moment. By taking control of your time and mental load, you can:
When you are less stressed and more balanced, you can poor from a full cup, or at least a cup that have a little left in it.
You can pause and regulate your own emotions in the moment, which helps model emotional regulation for your children and allows you to respond, not react.
When you are able to be more present, you can be proactive in setting up yourself and your children up for success.
When you take care of yourself, you are also taking care of your children.
Redefining Productivity in Motherhood
In a world that glorifies busyness, it is easy to measure your worth by how much you check off your to-do list. When you transition into motherhood, it forces us to redefine productivity in a way that is not just about output, but about impact. The reality is, raising tiny humans is productive, even if there is nothing tangible to show for it at the end of the day.
Instead of measuring productivity by tasks completed, try shifting the definition to include things like:
The invisible emotional labor of raising a human. All the times that you soothed the crying baby, managed your own emotions, or meet their needs even when they can’t tell you what they are.
The things you are doing for your children for long-term success. Things like teaching your child patience, modeling emotional regulation, and fostering their independence.
The self-care moments. Taking a shower, brushing your teeth, and getting dressed for the day might seem so silly, but taking care of yourself is an essential part of taking care of your family. A well taken care of mom creates an emotionally regulated mom who is far more effective than a burned-out one.
It is also helpful to shift from an “all-or-nothing” mindset to a “good enough” mindset. Maybe the house is not spotless, but your kids are fed. That is good enough. Maybe you did not complete every task, but you laughed with your family. That is good enough. Productivity in motherhood is about prioritizing what matters, not about doing it all.
A helpful exercise is to define your version of productivity. What are the things that truly move the needle in your life? What can you let go of? Not everything that feels urgent is actually important.
Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is pause, breathe, and remind yourself that being is just as valuable as doing.
Hi, I am Kristina Anzell. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant. I work with moms and couples in the postpartum phase of life to help them move through anxiety, depression, sleep issues for you and baby, relationship struggles and more. You deserve the support you need! Please reach out if you have any questions, need resources or want to start therapy sessions with me.